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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Is it OK to own a Canadian?

Is it OK to Own a Canadian?

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by
a US man, and posted on the Internet.

Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.
I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to
defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them
that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination!
End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a
fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is
in her period of Menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The
problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-
room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters as above, so I'm confident
you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman,
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian!)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Garage Sale: One Dolla Holla

We had our MASSIVE Garage Sale yesterday.
So insane. We moved almost 700 pieces. Sweet! I love the thought of all that stuff going to new homes to be loved, repaired, reconstructed and worn fresh.

We had a really good turn out!

It was like only really cute people knew about it.
That was not intentional, I told anyone and everyone about it, but damn, it was the most attractive Garage Sale crowd I have ever seen.

At 2pm we bagged up the rest and shipped it off with the St. Vincent de Paul peeps.
I love that thrift store, it used to be behind sunrise mall and now it's off Watt. Such nice folks. It's also the store where I got to see a woman steal a bunch of shit, run out and then have to come back in cuz she lost her keys in the store. Then she got arrested. Instant Karma.

Wow! Room to breathe!
That warehouse has been packed full of our extra crap since Motomatic left.

Now for chatting, feet kicked up, enjoying the crisp evening with a glass of Sangria.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Kind of the best time I've ever had.
Or that I can ever remember having right now.
I guess I say that all the time.
I guess that means
life is good.


Hummel and Julie picked me up at 9:30am on Friday and we headed down. Stopped in San Juan Batista and promptly saw this:
It wasn't the best Thrift store I have ever seen, but it made me happy that although the three of us were starving and had to pee we chose to hit the thrift store first.

Then we got burgers!!!

That first night was fun. So much fun. My family has a little trailer on the property above the river. I went outside to look at the stars at one point and heard "SKEET SKEET SKEET", peered in the windows and saw a complete dance party happening in there.

This kitty is named Kissy, and she's deaf. Pretty accommodating lil kitty.

Becky made us all blueberry pancakes!!!

Sometimes I think about the male role models that Luke is being exposed to.


Look at that filthy mutt posted up in my clothes. He had so much fun! On the last day he swam across the river by himself THREE times.

Tomatoes from Hummel's garden, cucumber from my garden and basil from Jane's garden. Yum.

Hummel made us waffles for breakfast on Sunday, and then grilled cheese in the waffle iron that night.

God, Kim Kardashian's ass is getting bigger!

People were sitting in these innertubes all day and then Trisha's tiny ass just fell right through.

Then she shot Julie in the leg with the BB gun.

For Realz.

Prey. Pommie has never looked like such a Condor snack before. I kept picturing seeing him overhead clutched in the talons of a huge bird.

Rafter and I stayed an extra night and we found all these old maps.

Then I made a bizarre leftover salad of celery, tahini sauce, sprouts, celery salt and red onion. Pretty good.

I later found Pommie writhing in the skin of this fish. Great.

I know the best people. Can't really wrap my arms around the love I have for all of them. I didn't squeeze everyone I love into this weekend, but damn near all of them.

Total beauty.
starry sky
warm sun